Whole quails on a plate? Maybe not. Half the time, you end up overcooking them into something stone-dry, and even when you get the cooking right, eating them without looking like a medieval banquet reject? Good luck with that.

Let’s face it: it’s IMPOSSIBLE to eat a whole quail without either losing half of it or your dignity. Sure, someone will argue, “Oh, but they look so beautiful served like that!” Except… we’re here to eat them, not admire them like a museum exhibit. So, yes, this recipe will have you deboning the little birds—15 minutes of delicate surgery per quail. (Think heart surgery, but on an ant.) But in the end? You’ll eat them gracefully, like civilized humans, not ravenous scavengers.

Anyway, this dish is all about festive winter fruits and a bit of holiday indulgence. Let’s dive in.

For 4 appetizer portions of a festive meal:

• 4 quails
• 4 mandarins
• 6–8 prunes
• 2 tbsp sesame seeds
• 1 heaping tsp whole-grain mustard
• 4 pinches ground Tonka bean
• Optional: 10 cl Cointreau

Preparation:

Deboning the Quails (Brace Yourself):

1. Start by deboning each quail, attacking from the back (think spatchcock-style). The goal is to keep the skin intact around the fillets for a perfect roll-up.
2. Remove the pelvic bone, spine, sternum, and breastbone with precision.
3. For the legs: slit along the length to extract the humerus and tibia. Quails have a sneaky cartilage patella—don’t let it escape your notice!
4. Strip the leg skin up to the pelvis to maintain structural integrity.
5. Fold the legs over the tenderloins, then fold the quail in half with a gentle roll.
6. Tie with a simple loop of kitchen twine around the width to hold it together.

(Yes, it’s a labor of love, but you’ll thank yourself later.)

Make the Prune Chutney:

1. Pit the prunes and blend with a splash of water into a smooth paste.
2. Add whole-grain mustard and a pinch of salt.
3. Simmer the mixture over low heat to reduce.
4. Just before it’s done, toss in lightly toasted sesame seeds for texture. Keep warm.

Prepare the Mandarin Segments:

• Carefully peel the mandarins, segment them, and set aside.

Cooking the Quails and Mandarins:

1. Heat olive oil in a sauté pan over medium heat. Add a small splash of water to create a bit of steam.
2. Cook the quails, covered, for 5–6 minutes per side. Start with the side where the twine joins.
3. Meanwhile, grill the mandarin segments at 200°C for a caramelized finish.
4. When flipping the quails, sprinkle half the Tonka bean powder on each side.
5. At the end of cooking, optionally flambé the quails with Cointreau or lightly sear the skin for a golden finish.

Plating:

1. Place each quail in the center of the plate, breast-side up.
2. Arrange the grilled mandarin segments and dollops of chutney in alternating patterns around the quail, ensuring the chutney portions are slightly smaller than the mandarin segments.

Serve warm, and enjoy eating like a dignified human being!